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The banning of BZP

Anoushka Shankar & Karsh Kale – Easy (Feat. Norah Jones)

I’m not happy again. This time because the government in its wisdom has banned outright BZP.  So you have two weeks to stock up, and a six month amnesty period to use it. Now, I’m not keen on party pills, which is what this legislation is all about, however I am keen on the BZP-based metabolism enhancers that I have been on for the last few months.

Wait, what?

Allow me to explain. I worked shift work for three years, which absolutely destroyed my body chemical balance – specifically my testosterone and seratonin levels dropped to dangerous lows. The screwed circadian rhythm also resulted in a pretty badly affected metabolism – basically meaning that while I was sitting there at my desk in a zombie like state, miserable and depressed, alone in the office babysitting a couple of datacentres, my slow metabolism was simply not touching the copious energy-dense foods and drinks I was consuming in an attempt to stay awake; essentially the six red bulls and three coffees I was having every night was immediately stored.

Couple that with my maternal family’s history of thyroid gland problems (the thyroid gland helps to regulate metabolism), and you can see that I’ve been up against the odds for the last year while I’ve been trying to straighten things out.

The alarm bells went off for me when I got back from France, and the so called “Heathrow injection” effect was beginning to show – in three weeks I had piled on the kilos, and for the first time in my life I was well over the ton (for those not familiar with the term, that’s 100kg/220lbs). I have since lost 15kg through playing Touch and embracing a focus on boosting my metabolism. Why the focus on metabolism? Because regulating your metabolism will adjust the rate that your body burns energy while you’re at rest, and as I work mostly at a desk it’s the most useful thing one can do for a primarily sedentary role like mine. Because exercising at your desk in an open plan office is going to make you look like an idiot. I also get the occassional workplace exercise by moving servers about and contorting myself around racks and such, which is my equivilent to Fartlek (speed/interval training) which also increases metabolism.

What else have I been doing? I’ve been taking BZP based metabolism enhancers, along with breakfast every day. Regular breakfast also increases your metabolism, and it doesn’t really matter so much what you have for breakfast – just that you have something, as the whole point of breakfast is to kickstart your blood pressure, blood sugars etc. These pills might have a slight high the first time you take them, but the second day you take them and onwards they have NO high and NO come down. And any high you do get on them is barely equivilent to a couple of short blacks back to back. I got more of a buzz out of the thimble size espressos you get in France.

They are not party pills, they are dietary suppliments, and abusing them in an attempt to get a lame high will only result in, I’m told, a splitting migraine and the runs, which is just a massive incentive isn’t it? If I don’t focus on correcting my screwed metabolism, I will over-time bloat to blimp size proportions and then the taxpayer will have to pay to get my stomach stapled. Great going there, Hon. Jim Anderton. This is a prime case of “everything in moderation” being able to be applied sensibly that was flat out ignored by a stupid piece of rushed, ignorantly and poorly thought out legislation.

So I’ve just had to dish out a wad of cash for three month’s supply. After that I guess I’ll just have to chug flaxseed oil and switch to thermogenics, which are more expensive and not as effective, oh yay.

Categories: opinion Random rant

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5 replies

  1. read in the paper that most of the party pill company’s have been developing new party pills with different non-illegal drugs, apparently 10x stronger then BZP, just to stick it to the man..

    maybe you can expect some 10x stronger metabolism boosters in the near future?.. and jolene wants to know where to buy the bzp pills.

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